The first date. The very first time we hung out with each other alone. I told you, “I am part a goth. If that’s a problem, you know, well, give up now.”
What did you think that meant? You think I was just talking about my affinity for The Cure and Gary Numan and eyeliner? Hardly.
Calling myself goth was shorthand for warning you that I see the value in pain. I don’t prefer it (always). I don’t seek it out. But I heed it. When it comes around, I listen to it, and I take its message seriously. I respect it.
You’re different. When it comes by, in yourself or in others near you, you run away from it, you ignore it and try to cover it over with drugs. As though you can get away from it. As though you can escape.
Maturity is knowing that there is no escape, that there is only the beautiful accumulated wisdom that comes from learning to deal with pain head-on.
I can’t stay with somebody who doesn’t understand this, and never will.
Don’t completely open yourself up to somebody who is full of pain.
There’s something about vintage that I find so remarkably beautiful. :)
I still have deep, overwhelming feelings for my ex. He invited me over last night. I wavered and eventually said, “no,” because I did legitimately have schoolwork to do. But after I said that I spent the night moping, wishing I could have both typed my paper and fucked him silly.
I woke up, regretting that thought, feeling conflicted, should I fuck him still or should I stay away from him for a while longer since I know his personality stresses me out a LOT when I’m near him long enough?
Since I left him, I’ve fucked nobody and expected nothing. My pussy had become entangled in what Conan O’Brien refers to as a “depression beard.” All wriggling wire-like lines covering the mound like some gender studies freshman’s lawn. I just shaved it a few minutes ago. I look down and I feel like correct once more. I am my hot little self again.
My mind knew I had work to do. It’s glad I stayed in. But my body still remembers the offer it turned down, and it regrets it terribly. I need to come. Hard. Is it wrong to want to do that with someone I still feel angry at? I should probably just find some other hotness…I do live in a huge city after all…